It was a gradual process. First I was pagan. And I mean pagan as in actually pagan. My mother was being possessed by demons in rituals while I was still in her womb. I was raised in a religion called Umbanda. And I was very unhappy as a pagan. Also living very poorly, struggling to sustain my family. I was ultimately very unhappy... One day I saw a Ben Shapiro episode (yes, this is weird) in which he off the cuff said that Jews didn't believe in Hell. The belief in Hell was something very repugnant to me at the time and this was something that stuck with me and broke something in the surface of my hardened heart. My mother would teach me a distorted version of prayers like the Our Father, the Hail Mary and the Creed, the versions that her religion used (and its use was purely symbolic, they did not believe in them per se) but I remembered that when I had nightmares those prayers helped. And I used to have horrible nightmares. Of being tortured and such. And I felt the pain as if it was real... In the midst of my despair I remembered those prayers and the Papai do Céu (roughly translated as Papa of Heaven, how children call God in Brazil) of my youth. And alone in a dark room I started praying and I asked him that if he was there for him to show it to me, because I was very lost. I heard in my heart more than my head "I will show you my wonders"... And that made an impression to me that I will never forget.
I started studying about religion, because I knew I had to seriously do so. I needed to understand the claims of monotheism. I didn't find Aquinas at the time because my heart was still hardened to Christianity because of all my sins. But I understood after some study the necessity of there to be One God. Then I analysed who claims that there be only one God? The polytheists were all discarded.
That left Judaism, Christianity, Islam and Zoroastrianism. This meant that I had to find out which had the better claims. One of them had to be right, because it would be absurd for the God of the world to not have in some way made himself known to some extent. Zoroastrianism and Islam had the same problem for me. Only one actual witness, in both cases the founder of the religion himself. That's a weak testimony. Christianity I dismissed out of hand because the concept of the incarnation seemed to me irrational. Then I looked at the Jews... And I looked at the events at Sinai... There, dozens of thousands of Hebrews heard in their heads God speak to them... That's... Not reproducible. You can't fake such a claim. Because it's easily debunked. People couldn't just suddenly start making such a claim with no pushback because people wouldn't believe in it. Because this is an event that they would have already known about if it did happen. The Hebrew testimonial evidence was just insanely overwhelming. This had to have happened. So I became a Noahide (a Gentile who converted to Rabbinic Judaism), because I recognized that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was the one true God.
I found myself a rabbi from Israel. A very nice man. A war veteran who had a special interest in helping Noahides. Funny enough he became a Mossad agent later on so I actually know someone from Mossad 🤣 I studied Torah, I studied the OT. I studied Jewish customs and practices. I looked up seminars. I talked to Jews. I was actually very much a Zionist at the time. And I convinced my wife to join me in all this.
I was happy. I was also getting a lot of blessings financially (I was still dirt poor but things were not looking THAT much like a complete downward spiral anymore). But something didn't sit right with me. I did not feel I was intellectually honest with Christianity. That I didn't give it a proper shot. That I didn't listen to their arguments properly. So I saw a debate between Dr. Michael Brown (a Messianic Jew) and Rabbi Tovia Singer, an Orthodox, Jewish apologist of very high intellect, a giant in their apologetic world. Dr. Brown crushed him in that debate and that shook me. I felt I had to study this seriously.
So I got a series of books by Dr. Brown that were entirely focused on PROVING the Case for Jesus being the Messiah using ONLY Jewish and OT era sources.
I studied trembling and in tears, begging God not to lead me astray, begging him with the fervour of a prisoner begging for emrcy. I studied his books all day every day in my free time... In the end it became clear. Jesus had to be the Messiah. It was uncontestable. It was IMPOSSIBLE that it be otherwise...
So I had to find out, who's telling the truth about Him? I did what any sensible person would do at the time and I studied the NT. I went through the Gospels, Acts, the Letters of Paul and the other Apostles, Revelations... I studied it with zeal and I came to some conclusions.
There was a natural necessity of a universal interpreter of Scripture. Because you could not, by just reading it, come to clearly definitive conclusions regarding all matters of doctrine. And given Protestantism's lack of Authority, it was clearly insane and without any merits. It was not a serious religious position to take, even if serious people took it. That left the only Churches that actually defended claims to an ultimate Authority, the Orthodox Churches and the Catholic Church. Reading Acts I came across the method by which DOUBTS WERE RESOLVED in the Church: A Council... The Jerusalem Council, the Apostolic Council, was the natural framework for how to resolve matters of Faith. But how to know what WAS a valid Council? The Apostles were dead, so it couldn't be that. In Acts they stated that the Council was under the authority of them and their brothers, the presbyters and the Holy Spirit , so clearly there were people who SHARED in their authority. How were these people chosen? By the Apostles themselves, as stated in Acts when Simon Magus tried to buy his way into receiving the power to pass the Holy Spirit to someone. So the Apostles had means to share their authority with people. The Orthodox and Catholics call this Apostolic Successions and say that is given to the Bishops. Ok... But the Bishops aren't in agreement always. How do you differentiate a valid council from an invalid council? Majority? Can't be that, because there was a time in which the majority of Bishops were Arians and Arianism is not Monotheistic so it's wrong. And they died out so they can't be it... The majority of the Patriarchs? I see nothing of that in scripture. So I look in scripture... Christ in the Gospels gives us a Church. That is what he says he founded. A House... And he says a House laid under Sand will crumble in the midst of the storm. But a House standing on a rock will stay firm. This stuck with me... Then later he identified Peter with the Rock... And he gives him the Keys to the Kingdom... And in Acts Peter is the first one to speak in the Council... Peter had the power to bind and loose... Peter was the Rock on which the Church stood firm against the storms of doubts... Peter had the keys... Peter was the key. What made an ecumenical council valid? It was because Peter agreed to it. That solved the puzzle... It was an objective, entirely falsifiable, perfectly reliable way of knowing what is true doctrine. Peter was who determined what was a valid Council . But Peter died... So there is necessarily a need for a successor to him. And both the Orthodox and the Catholics agree with that and they even agree on who that is . The Pope. The Bishop of Rome... And he approved Councils from Nicaea to Vatican II. Thus the Catholic Church is the One True Church.
I find it hard to describe my feelings at this realization. I was extremely, very very very disappointed. The first thing I said when I noticed this was, in Portuguese, "... Really?" In scoff. I hated the Catholic Church. I looked at Catholics and all I could think of was in fat lazy adulterous assholes who didn't care a hoot about faith or morality and an aloof priesthood who didn't care anything about others. But I submitted my will and my intellect to this. I accepted it as the truth and went to church for the first time.
I have come a long way from that time, and like a man who was forced into an arranged marriage to the most beautiful and kindest woman in the world, but who only knew her through gossip and of the vile kind, I quickly learned to love the Church that Christ founded and to be grateful that I am in it. But it was a long road.
So I was raised in an abusive house in every way imaginable, my father was a tyrant and used religion as a weapon on top of his abuse. Throughout my childhood I was told I was going to hell, I'm a waste of a human, a cockroach, etc. For a long long time I believed him that I was going to hell and I would never be saved. So I turned to satanism. I was heavily interested in the occult as well and did things like blood rituals, summoning demons, talking to spirits, etc etc. I spent probably almost 8+ years doing this since I was a teen, I still have self harm scars from both ritualistically hurting myself and just being in pain. All stemming from feeling like God really doesn't love me and never will.
In 2020 I met my now soon to be husband who was at the time a more relaxed Catholic, but it shocked me how
1. He was so kind to me despite how openly against his beliefs I was
2. Always said he is called to love someone, not to hate them
Over the course of our relationship he would teach me about the gospels, about Christ's mission, and overall that everyone has a shot to be saved and everyone IS loved by Christ
In 2021 i ended up having a very severe mental breakdown and it lead me to finally praying for the first time properly, not just because I was terrified, but because I genuinely felt like I will not find comfort anywhere else I simply prayed for help and in that moment I was flooded with a peace i never felt before, and almost like i was embraced with a hug as I just broke down. Since then I was confirmed, and will soon be married in the church as I left my past in the occult behind. Honestly my story really just shows how much Christlike compassion can help someone It wasn't the countless debates I had with people that changed my heart. It was someone just following Christ's mission that saved me. A big thing also was me identifying as transgender for 5 years in my teens and early adulthood because of my own severe trauma and wanting to run away from it. Satanist groups preached a lot of kumbaya everyone is valid stuff which didn't help me, it made me feel worse overtime because it was just blindly accepting delusions led on by pain I needed help for. On top of my conversion i also started seeing a Christian therapist who helped me understand my pain through the lens of scripture, which has been a key part of me staying on the path i am now.
I was born and raised into the LDS church. So theologically, I just accepted everything at face value. Went to Sunday school and all that. None of it seemed weird/off because I was raised in it. What got me leave the LDS church was my parent's divorce. I was 9ish and the divorce was entirely my father's fault. Long story short, he tried to evade taxes and was totally cool lying and having my mum arrested. Parents divorced and afterwards, my father was just dismissive and a dick and the local church authorities were buddies with my father so they kinda dismissed any misgivings my father had. So I left the LDS church and went through an edgy middle school atheist phase. Then in high school every girl I dated was some flavor of Christian so I edged into agnostic. Until about a year ago, I was never agnostic and never active in a church.
I moved to Alabama for my Ph.D. and around the same time my Orthodox Catholic friend had started bullying me for being agnostic. So to satiate him, I went to Mass. I enjoyed it and began going to RCIA and reading the Bible to learn more. What finally convinced me that the Catholic faith is the truth, is that the priest read an excerpt from a legal document from ~ 150 AD of Christians defending themselves and talking about the Holy Communion
The convincing was in part RCIA, another part community, and a large part of a bible study group I joined with some guys in my parish. It is the church established by Jesus Christ
I was a devout Muslim , so I was pretty much into the Islamic theology all my life although I stayed in the religion for comfort and tried my best not asking too many questions. I think it all started in the middle school when I started getting in depth studying the sirah nabawiyah which is the life of muhamed where I stumbled across so many life events where it made me doubt everything, how come Allah say that muhamed is preferred among everyone and he is blessed among everyone as well can do such things? However I turned my back unto this and tried my best to remain neutral and stayed quranist ( meaning I only read the quran ) little did I know the quran was very much preaching the same thing it had no difference, so after that I left Islam and remained with no religion. I was introduced to Christianity by a vision I had which was me preaching about Jesus Christ and saying that he is the way the truth and the life, and that Islam is false and Christianity is the truth. So right after that I started my own research about Christianity and I started inquiring more, and well here I am now I accepted Jesus as my savior and lord 2 years ago :))
About eight years ago, I learned about Christ from my alma mater. I was from a Catholic School when I was younger and it made it easier for me to be exposed to Christ. They made me intrigued about the Sign of the Cross, which I thought was shirk that time. I was still a Muslim and I tended to argue and debate about the existence of Christ with the Catholics around me. They were really lovely to me as they argued with me, while I was rude, constantly accusing them of shirk for believing that a man could actually be God as well. I had a hard time understanding the incarnation of the Word.
In order to argue with them, I had to learn more about my own religion and I wasn't sent to any Islamic Religious Schools when I was younger. In a sense, you can say that I was not indoctrinated by Islamic knowledge since young so my mind was still open to other views and perspectives. Regardless, I was raised to find Christians wrong, and that Islam is the true religion. While reading the Quran, it was then that I chanced upon Surah Maryam. In Surah Maryam, Mary was indeed the most blessed amongst women, and she was a perpetual virgin yet she bore a child from God. This was in reference to our Blessed Virgin Mary. Once I read this, I felt a veil being lifted from my eyelids as I can finally see the truth. I wanted to get closer to her and understand God from her perspective so I started learning Hail Mary. I prayed it daily and I think it was then that I was given the wisdom of God to finally understand God's love for us.
Mary was indeed the Mother of God, the Mother of Christ and the Mother of all Humanity. She showed me the path to her son, leading me silently to the Cross to gaze upon the wounds and cross of her Son and God. It was such a beautiful experience. It is then that I decided that I have to learn more about Christ. I approached a friend who I used to argue with and asked her if she could bring me to Church. I chose Holy Thursday to visit a Church and while the priest was washing the feet to symbolise the apostles, I cried profusely. I don't know why I cried but I was so happy. I had this feeling of intense joy and love in my heart. I truly wanted to become baptised as a Christian, I wanted to be with Christ. It was that day that I decide to formally enrol myself in RCIA. It went well for a while and I was allowed to be initiated as a candidate.
Sadly, these changed when my parents found my bible in my room. On that day, I forgot to bring my bible to school like I always do. Mom called me home immediately, and I felt queasy and worried but I went home anyway without thinking too much. When I got home, I went to the toilet to shower after a long day. When I came out of the showers, my crucifixes, rosaries and books were strewn on the floor. They asked what was I doing with Christian materials. At first I wanted to say that I kept these for my friend, but the Holy Spirit stirred me to tell the truth. I told them that I wanted to learn more about Christianity and that I believed in Christ. They were so enraged, Mom immediately cried while screaming telling me to renounce Christ and that Mary is not God, I should not worship her. Dad got up and started to hit me, he told met to say the shahada or he will continue hitting me. It got to the point where he took a knife, and threatened death, if I were to remain silent and not recite the shahada, renouncing Christ. This went on for a while, I was saved from death but the beatings continued till I couldn’t take it anymore. I said the shahada, and saw all my things thrown away in the trash. I ran to my room and cried, I was angry at God as to how he could ignore me and my sufferings when I was there confessing my faith in Him. However, I didn’t know that He was planning for me to get exposed to the Coptic Orthodox Church.
I knew about the Coptic Orthodox Church through the 21 Libyan Martyrs who were martyred for professing their faith in front of ISIS even while they were threatened martyrdom. What stood out for me was one of them who was not a Copt, he exclaimed that he believed in the God of the rest. He believed in Christ even if he was not a Coptic Christian. That spoke to me and inspired me to attend the Coptic Orthodox Church services through my friend who introduced them to me. I was taught the ways of the Eastern theology, and a Coptic-centric one. I loved the Coptic Church and I felt at home in it. It is then with God’s blessing that our Bishop, Anba Daniel of Sydney came to visit us. I talked to Sayedna, telling him everything from start to end. He told me that he would love to ensure that I am baptised.
It is then with God’s blessing that I was baptised on 06/08/2017.
I am so thankful that I knew him and I remind myself daily that I was led to Christ not because I hated Islam but because I learnt of the love that God had for us. He loved us so much that he took flesh, suffered and died for us on the Cross. I am still a secret Christian - I might have to pray the salah, secretly go to Church and pray yet thankfully with God's grace I am alive, safe & able to continue my worship towards the one true God
That was the story of my whole conversion experience from Islam to Christianity
"You did not choose me: No, I chose you; and I commissioned you to go out and bear fruit, fruit that will last."
John 15:16
(Note: I think my conversion story is probably very boring)
So essentially from a nowaday view, I would almost say I've been Catholic all time long, only that I never got to know any practicing Catholics from which I really could've encountered (or developed an aversion/hate towards) the Catholic faith. I grew up in a Russo-German Pentecostal (not the kind with people rolling on the floor or women pastors, but "tongues", still, which I never did) community, but, although I've always been in love with humanities, you don't encounter actual Catholic teaching very much, so the only thing I remember that I knew about the Catholic Church was that my Dad told me they worship icons, but otherwise, I didn't spend much time thinking about it. Basically, it began when I, just out of curiosity, as I often do, randomly searched about Catholicism to get to know what it actually is about in February 2020, I think. (Now, apart from the fact I've always been, like other people, impressed by Church architecture, I associated the Church not only with dusty, archaic-smelling buildings and just as archaic external expressions of faith or there not really being Catholics with a faith on fire (which is true in most parts of my country), but also Catholics being rather stiff/uptight (not that I knew much about Christian teaching on chastity in general, I mean just being rather unapproachable, which is also true here) and belonging to the upper class.) There were 2 events that are etched in my memory without me knowing what exactly they had to do with my conversion, but, first, I went to morning Mass on 7 February 2020 because I discovered the first two hours of school were cancelled and the Cathedral was next to it (though that isn't so special, I think, although I didn't do that before (or perhaps the opportunity hadn't been there before?), because I had to spend time with something, I guess?), but that, just a few weeks later, I think, again, during a longer break at noon, I spent about 2 hours or so just sitting there in the Cathedral? Note: in the first instance, it also just confirmed my image (again, without me particularly hating the Church or anything like that) because the priest's voice sounded very old and it all went about very routined, the Cathedral being very archaic etc. Now, as I said, I just wanted to look into what Catholicism was actually all about, and (something I still feel a bit embarrassed to put it like that, because it doesn't sound conventional😅) so I looked on Instagram whether I found any page about that topic, which I did. Something that also certainly was God's abundant grace was that, from hindsight, if I should be mistaken, though I don't think I am, I almost immediately accepted the Papacy as a fact upon reading Matthew 16:18, and from then on unquestionably also accepted any other Catholic/Papal teachings. As a wannabe (lol) historian, the only difficulty I encountered was reconciling centuries-old Papal documents on slavery ("Dum Diversas" 1452) or witchhunts ("Summis Desiderantes Affectibus" 1484) with common sense that that is immoral, but I found that Pope Nicholas V. probably meant Old Testament-style, i.e. without afflicting permanent damage, slavery and that while real witches may be plausible, Pope Innocent VIII. didn't intend to promote the behaviour of rogue people like Henricus Institoris. Well, so I started to dive into Catholic theology, started attending Mass in a (extremely liberal and without youths, as it's common here) parish Church nearby from August-September 2020 onwards, and was then, almost without any Catechesis (perhaps also because they knew I already knew most stuff? But I've also heard from others, not only children, being baptized/confirmed almost without any Catechesis), baptized on 31 July 2021 with St. Peter Canisius as my patron Saint (which I guess they also wouldn't have asked me if I hadn't said it). (Baptized because Pentecostals only baptize adults at about ~20 years old.) Since then, Thanks be to God, I've found some other Catholic youths, first, in early 2022, only some from the SSPX (I consider myself an ultramontanist, something quite different, although typical of German Catholicism, especially from the 1870's on, up until about the 1950's-60's) living further away, but, just a few months ago, another recent convert from a (Russo-German) Baptist community, now my best friend, although I still also am in contact with (not only the SSPX ones) other Catholics from Germany and abroad.😊😄 Also, forgive my multi-clause sentences.😅🤣 • Sanctissima Virgo Maria, Spes Unica Mea, ora pro nobis🥺🌹🤍 • LAUDETUR IESUS CHRISTUS IN SAECULA SAECULORUM👑🇻🇦🇩🇪
I was raised in a relatively small Baptist Church, part of a larger organization called the Canadian National Baptist Convention (formerly the Canadian Convention of Southern Baptists.) I had a typical upbringing: I went to Sunday school as a kid, was baptized at the age of 9, and whole heartedly believed in Christianity (at least, the version of it I was taught.) At one point in my teenage years, I got into apologetics. I got really into apologetics, particularly evidential and philosophical. If there was a YouTube video by Frank Turek, Mike Winger, Capturing Christianity, William Lane Craig, David Wood, Inspiring Philosophy, Ravi Zacharias (oh boy that one aged badly,) I had seen it - the same was true for atheist and muslim YouTubers. I had also engaged in just about every relevant debate imaginable thanks to social media comment sections and my addiction to the keyboard. I’ll spare the exhaustive list of topics, but I knew a lot and was very experienced in (mostly informal) debate.
As a Protestant who had, from childhood, been taught the particular interpretations of Scripture that Baptists typically believe, I was about as anti-Catholic as you would expect. This started to change when I became one of the lucky Protestants to be exposed to actual, accurate Catholic theology, rather than the ubiquitous, absurd strawmans and intellectually dishonest mischaracterizations that many people cling to so stubbornly. These also consisted of social-media-comment-section debates, debates that were among some of the only arguments I had ever had where I genuinely felt like my position was not defensible (whether my perceived debate skill was a result of actual intelligence or mere arrogance I’ll leave up to you.) One reason for this was my Catholic opponents’ invocation of the Church fathers. So I set out to read the Church Fathers in an attempt to find vindication for my views. This, as you might expect, would go on to backfire spectacularly. To say that the congruence between the Early Church and the Catholic Church was news to me would be a grotesque understatement. The first impetus for my intellectual repentance was probably the Eucharist. The Early Church was united on a lot of things (as I will touch on,), but among the most blatant examples is the Doctrine of the Real Presence. This glaring reality was quite the inconvenience for me, to say the least, and it got me started on some serious thinking.
I examined Church history, studied Scripture, and reevaluated everything I believed about Christianity and its dogma. I took special care to think as objectively, logically, and humbly as possible. This process took a few years; one of my favourite books was Four Witnesses: The Early Church in Her Own Words by Rod Benett. This book is not without fault (not even close,) but it had a rather significant role in my eventual conversion to Catholicism. I recommend it to any Protestant, or anyone who seeks to know what the early Church teaches. The Didache and Against Heresies are also must-reads.
After years of deliberation and careful thought, I came to one of several seemingly inescapable conclusions. The version of Christianity with which I was familiar was completely and utterly foreign to Christians for most of Church history. Even worse, the more time that had passed since Jesus Christ, the more the Church started to look like my own. I discovered that the earlier you go back in Church history, the more overwhelmingly Catholic the Church was. These guys were more closely connected to Jesus Christ chronologically than almost anybody else in human history, some of them were taught by the Apostles themselves! They were teaching and combating Heresies centuries before the Bible was even compiled, in some cases before most of the New Testament books had even been written. And they are nigh-unanimously referring to people who hold my beliefs as Heretics. Who’s more likely to be right: me or them?
Some Protestants will read this and accuse me of “caring more about what men say than what the Bible says,” or “relying on the teachings of men rather than the word of God” or some other iteration of the same asinine idea. To them I say, the Fathers of the Church had the same Holy Spirit in them as you do, and they were the ones responsible for even compiling the Bible. This isn’t a question of man’s word against God’s word. It is a question of one man’s interpretation of God’s word against another man’s interpretation; to conflate your interpretation of God’s word with God’s word itself is equal parts fallacious and arrogant. And it just so happens that your interpretations might be just as unscriptural as they are ahistorical.
I began RCIA at a Parish in my area. On August 13th, 2023, I stood before my fellow paritioners, recited the Nicene Creed, and declared:
“I believe and profess all that the Holy Catholic Church
believes, teaches, and proclaims to be revealed by God.”
I then recieved the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Confirmation, bringing me into full communion with Christ’s Church, the Catholic Church.
I was raised Protestant and that was all I knew as I grew up. My family bounced from church to church, and we never found something that was fulfilling. We were members at a Methodist church but left due to the politics. We tried various evangelical or nondenominational churches but could never find community. We ended up at an evangelical megachurch, though we never really connected there. We stayed there for several years before covid hit. During the pandemic, my spiritual life declined, and I didn't think about my faith with any frequency. Towards the latter portion of my high school career, I got a part time job at a Lutheran church. This, combined with hearing about different Christian traditions made me interested in looking into more historic denominations than what I was accustomed to. I began attending the Lutheran church, as well as learning more about different denominations and theological beliefs. I fell in love with the liturgical tradition and the history, art, and music that accompanies it. However, this growth was not without obstacles. At this point in time, I had been cobbling together various components of theology that I agreed with or did not, and with these issues, I started doing the same with my conscience; permitting myself exceptions occasionally to what I knew to be wrong. This continued on until I happened to look into the Catholic Church. I did this because I had a Catholic friend online who I had dialogued with about Christianity, and because I started watching Catholic videos such as those by Trent Horn. The more I learned about the Catholic Church, the more I realized that my (mis)conceptions of Catholicism were wrong, and the more I felt convicted. Over the following weeks and months I began studying intensely, poring over various arguments, debates, and data points, examining every angle of the arguments for and against Protestantism or Catholicism, and I started going to OCIA classes. I did not at the time want the answer to be Catholicism, but the more I learned, the less satisfactory the answers were from Protestantism. I looked into Eastern Orthodoxy and every possible answer to my confusion, but in the end I realized that no amount of research could give me faith in a church, and that I would need to pray about and have faith in the decision process. In the end, after much deliberation and prayer, I took the step of faith and joined the Catholic Church. I was confirmed at Easter Vigil, and received the Eucharist. The journey has not been easy; I have lost friendships and my world has radically changed along the way. Despite the pain of letting go of my own desires, I feel contentment and peace in the Catholic Church, and I can confidently say, I am home. Glory to Jesus Christ!
P.S. If you are reading this, please pray for my family to come home to full communion with the Church as well. With God, all things are possible, and I have hope for them in His timing.
Growing up, I was always a concerned kid about the reality of things. Since I grew up in a semi fundamentalist family (my dad being the SPUB Salafi who religiously followed Abu Khadeejah), I had times where i would feel bad for playing games that had music or for drawing cartoon figures. I let my society's understanding of the higher purpose of life be my understanding of the higher purpose of life since I really didn't know any other religions besides Hinduism which had little going for it objectively (ie, there are no reasons why it is the absolute truth before which there is none). Just like any other energetic kid, I grew up watching cartoons and some anime like Dragon Ball Z which influenced me to want to "beat up the bad guys", with an emphasis on fighting for a good cause. I liked this so much that this became my whole personality. Either way, I always promised my own self to chase the TRUTH no MATTER how ugly it got. Which is exactly what I thought I did... One day, I would stumble across something which would change my life forever. I saw my parents watching the tv in a concerned manner, my mom was biting her finger nails. I saw what appeared to be local men from my country in Syria, with long hair and long beards, explaining how war was like for them there. This was actually a Bilal Abdul Kareem interview that you can watch even today. Anyways, I asked my parents what it was about, they did not explain.
Fast forward a bunch of years, by now I was around the age of 11. I finally happened to know what that was about. It was about Jihad under the Islamic state. I was curious about this and did my research. I was highly influenced even back then with my "beat up the bad guys" attitude. I used the knowledge I gained through my research and the English Qur'an translation my dad bought me from Saudi Arabia to debate "Madkhalis" (a term for muslims who bootlick the Saudi government). I debated many of these Madkhalis and, won. Through these rigorous debates, I had met my first ever Jihad oriented friends. I had many Ideological changes during my Jihadist phase which lasted from the age of 11 to the age of 17, where I got "increasingly radical with each passing year". (Quoting my aunt.) At first I found myself strongly sympathising Hamas as this was when I was first exposed to the 100+ year Israel-Palestine conflict. I was quickly convinced of supporting Tanzhim Al Qaeda soon after finding some issues in Hamas pertaining to Aqeedah (Creed) and some ways in which they claimed to enforce Sharia law. My Jihadist advisor online had gotten jailed in Libya, and I was left with some ISIS oriented "knowledgable brothers" online. This Libyan Jihadist was fierce against ISIS for being "Khawarijj" (a rebellious group that Muhammad warned his followers about and prophesied about) and he quickly dismantled any questions I had which were possibly in favour of the Islamic state.
The ISIS sympathisers online quickly convinced me to support the Islamic state with the radical mindset that this Libyan left within me, which he created by rigorously quoting the Saheehayn (Authentic proofs) and the Seerah from famous Seerah books. He left within me the basics of radical Islam (for example, seeing suicide bombing as something of "Ikhtilaf" (Disagreement of scholars, deeming something not directly prohibited), calling Osama Bin Laden "Shaykh Usama Ibn Ladin Rahimuhullah" and seeing the murder of Charlie Hebdo as an appropriate response to insulting the "prophet" based off of the books written by the Sahaba, Tabi'een, Atba’ At-Tabi’een and the early muslims.) The Hamas-Al Qaeda phase existed for around 2 years. Then I spent around 4 years as an Islamic state supporter. Time went by and I became increasingly Jihadist to the point where I propagated Islamic state materials online and made videos for an ISIS media centre on telegram (out of which everyone got arrested except me and someone else from the same nationality as me). I even had contact with Al Azaim media centre's owner on conversations (a shady high security communication app which utilises the same network protocols as the dark internet). For context, Al Azaim Media centre was the media centre that propagated an uncountable amount of propaganda for ISISK (Islamic state of Khurasan), and it is the one through which the ISIS Moscow shooting was glorified. I found immense Joy in watching Christians die. I watched the full video on ISIS's website on the dark internet where they beheaded Ethiopian christians. I wanted to receive salvation from Allah by being martyred in his cause. I had undying hatred for the "infidels". I had talked to ISIS jihadists in the Philippines, who ran a group on matrix.org called "East Asia Knights" where him and many local Islamic state militias fought against the Philippine government forces. One day he had gone dark, and his friend sent me pictures of his's dead body, calling him a "Martyr" and even saying that a bird flew down and sat on his body, proving that he is a green bird in heaven just as the Hadith say that martyrs will be flying in the bellies of green birds in heaven. I debated my parents, family and friends. I Takfired (declared as infidels) my own parents at one point, I Takfired classmates, I Takfired my family. And I hated my grandfather for being pro democracy so much so that I saw myself stabbing him in my dreams. I lost many friends, many family members distanced themselves from me and my parents scolded me for my fundamentalist views. But whenever I would get backlash, i reminded myself about the "scientific miracles and prophecies of islam". I had plans to commit terror in my already muslim but "Taghut" (Tyrant) country. Later on, I had a major ideological shift from ISIS to Al Qaeda. I had returned to the belief that I once abandoned, in light of some wrong things the Islamic state did to its closest Al Qaeda affiliate ally (Jabhat Al Nusra). It is a complicated topic, but long story short, I started to believe that the Islamic state rebelled against the already existing Mujahideen in Syria and Sham unjustly. Namely, Jabhat Al Nusra, Ahrar Ash-Sham and some muslim factions of the FSA. I had changed my Jihadi circle and had become friends with new people. A Palestinian UK national who was around my age, a Somali from Ireland, an Egyptian from the US, someone from Gaza, an Arab living in Russia who had actually murdered people for fun and had really messed up mental health and a white Aussie from Australia who was an ex Catholic turned Jihadist. These are just some of the few new Al Qaeda Jihadis that I hanged out with. These people’s friends had gone to Al Shabaab (the Al Qaeda affiliate where 9/11 was masterminded) through their affiliates. I had contact with a group of terrorists who all wanted the same goal as me, and they had the ability to smuggle me into Al Shabaab. However, despite all this, I would always feel the innocence of peace loving Christians who forgave and helped others always. The Pope was telling the truth when he said that Christians don't always need to preach the gospel to invite others to the faith. Instead, merely being a good example and being dedicated to the faith would open up the hearts of unbelievers to the Holy Spirit. I had a Roman Catholic teacher from India who treated me hospitably. He himself wasn't even a good Christian and often placed secular values above his own Christian ones, yet his hospitality left me asking myself if people like him should really die. I had images of Christians being beheaded play in my head as I Talked to him, sometimes I wanted to kill him myself despite having no reason to persecute him. He was ultra considerate about my Islamic beliefs and was super kind. I wanted to convert him to Islam so one day, I did da'wah on him (preached Islam to him). He told me that he will surely read the Qur'an oneway and consider Islam. I felt a false sense of victory when he said that, but I still didn't feel good about myself. He would ask me what my favourite song was for instance, and I didn't listen to music since I believed it to be haram, but rather I listened to Nasheeds (Islamic poetry). And my favourite "song" was a song about killing non muslims like him. I felt horrible when he asked me questions like this since he was so pure and innocent. I felt like a wolf and I felt like he was a lamb. And I didn’t feel this in an empowering way. As time went on, All of it was starting to add up. As I looked back to my life, I had felt the Christian icons and churches quite strongly when I walked past them as a kid in foreign countries. When i was around 5-6 yrs old and stayed at a christian hotel, I saw the nude painting of Adam and God. I felt such serenity despite my initial and genuine urge to rebuke it for nudity. I would stare at it all the time as it brought serenity to my heart. Whenever i saw these icons and churches, I would feel an undeniable feeling. I was around 16 when I was on holiday with my family. We visited a museum and I was forced to go to the museum. I hated to see the sight of idols and non muslim art. I saw Christian art, iconography and manuscripts of gospels and parts of the Old Testament. I hated them fiercely but secretly loved it so much. I forced myself to stay angry as I saw them but there was only so much I could do to suppress the serene feeling I got. I secretly felt a sense of happiness. An undeniable happiness which could not have been expressed in words. I would later just brush it off like its nothing of value and spend time insulting Christianity and spreading claims that the muslims made about christianity without checking them properly like saying "the bible is corrupted" and what not. I would just copy paste arguments, trying to win people over to islam because of course, it is the most scientifically and historically accurate religion. right? I cannot express in words the serenity i felt seeing icons of saints and the like in museums and what not. Despite all these signs, i held onto "the miracles of islam" whenever these "doubts" popped up. Which i forced myself to see as Satanic. Im 17 today as I write this, where my Jihadiness reached an absolute peak. I refused to wear perfume for example because it had methanol which is Khamr (alchohol) and there is a Hadith which says that Allah cursed the ones who carried Khamr (I had perfume in my bedroom). This was because I had a major shift from the Shafi'i Madhhab to the Dhahiri Madhhab (which is rumoured to be a dead Madhhab but is still alive through websites like shamela). I at one point had thought I had to try not to buy water because there is a Sahih Hadith where Muhammad prohibited selling water. I would restrict myself so much to the point where I just stopped and asked myself "Are the "miracles" of Islam even miracles after all?" This lead to lots of fascinating research, through which I had landed in an ex muslim server (an atheist hellhole) on Discord. They tried to get me as far away from Christianity as possible (which is strange for a server that attacks Islam, and not other religions.) They praised ex muslims who turned pagan/atheist/agnostic etc, but hated ex muslims who turned Christian and despised Christianity immensely. They even had me read up on how Christ was allegedly a made up figure and how he never even existed. They claimed that the bible supported slavery and I was fed other false notions. They obviously hated how ex muslims turn to Christ. Anyhow, I became an ex muslim after reasoning with them alot. Not easily though. As I would debate back in fourth, both in favour of Islam and against (depending on whether I was talking to a muslim or non muslim). I talked to muslims about how Islam could possibly be true even after all of its miracles and prophecies got debunked for months on end after my apostasy. After having refuted so many muslims on Islam, I felt a pride in my heart. I felt that by refuting Islam, I refuted "Allah" (God), and that I could indulge in all the pleasures I wanted to indulge in. I at one point thought I was so smart for debunking Islam that I had Lavey's rules as my desktop wallpaper with a satanic star and an upside down cross. The exact wallpaper I had:(https://c4.wallpaperflare.com/wallpaper/901/46/399/satanism-satan-anton-salazar-laveywallpaper-preview.jpg). I felt horrible after a couple of weeks. I almost wanted to become muslim again despite knowing it was blatantly false. I didn't wanna become muslim because I missed my days, I wanted to become muslim because I lacked God and purpose in life. What if I just killed myself? No more worries, right? but surely, "this cant be it", I said to myself. I had serious questions about why we are here, how there should've been a necessary line between good and bad, and about first hand experiences I had with the occult and paranormal activity which COULD NOT have been psychologically or scientifically explained. Wanna bet? We can talk about it in private perhaps, haha! Including my experiences with the paranormal would just make my testimony longer than it already is. Anyhow, this lead me to make up my mind about the existence of God after some theological reasoning and lead me to believe that there is a creator or creators of this universe in the metaphysical realm. Hence, I was a bit more than an agnostic. Perhaps you could say I was a theist by now. I acknowledged that a creator or creators MUST exist in the metaphysical realm for the creation of things in the physical realm. No theory just ever cut it for me. Later on, I met an eastern Catholic in another ex muslim atheistic Discord server. I met him and we had some dialogue since he had asked me if i was an apostate from Islam. Then I suddenly remembered that I had these unexplained feelings whenever I saw Christian art or icons. Hence, I decided to hear him out. saying to myself that there cant possibly be any harm in hearing a Christian out. He created a group chat with me, a Roman Catholic and another ex muslim. They were the ones who helped me accept Christ and correct the twisted views I was fed about Christianity by the muslims I knew. And later on, the twisted views I had about life in of itself. (Such as some misogynistic views I had to get rid of and some views on life which were generally hate filled.) There’s many objective reasons why Christianity is the truth. However, even the little things show that it’s superior to Islam. For example, as a muslim, I was laser focused on 72 virgins, I was GREEDY for heaven. I was selfish. I actually planned to leave my family and loved ones behind to join Al Qaeda. My behaviour caused even my Jihadi friends in real life to say i was selfish over heaven as I would talk to them about the best Jihadist faction in terms of accommodation and likelihood of prolonged war to do Hijra (migrate) to. Since there is a Hadith which said that one hour of jihad = 60 years of Ibada (worship). Hence, my dream was to wage Jihad for hours every single day, to come home and end the night with sex with a muslim wife and just repeat until I eventually die, ensuring I got as many Thawab (good deeds) as possible. And also as much sex as possible, in this world and in heaven. I actually calculated the desired Thawab level I wanted. Since 1 hour of Jihad = 60 years of worship, 24 hours = 1440. Approximately the same amount of good deeds as non stop worship from the time the Qur'an was written up to this day. Christianity really put me into place by making me repent because i had to want to be GOOD. because i loved GOD as he is pure goodness. As a muslim, I loved Allah due to his graces (72 virgins). But Christianity taught me to love God regardless of his graces. I loved Allah as a muslim because of all that he had to offer in Jannah. But now as a Christian, I love God for being love itself. For being Goodness itself. In Islam, all I had to do was ask Allah for forgiveness as long as it was done with "sincerity", with no emphasis whatsoever on why I repent. My focus was on my future with the Hur Al Ayn. not my actual love and respect for Allah although I technically did "love" him. For simple things like creating me and what not. If i was asked whether I respected Allah or not, I would've said I respected him. but looking back, all of it was nothing compared to the genuine heartfelt respect I have for the triune God now. Learning about little things like the perfect contrition made me realise how perfect and seamless Christianity was. It is truly the one and only path to salvation. I left Islam approximately on March 20, 2023. Just around the start of Ramadan. I spent the first 2- 3 months rigorously making sure that I didn't leave Islam due to a misunderstanding. I for once took off my Dawah glasses and looked at the world for what it was. Looked at philosophy and religion for what it was. Looked at love for what was. Looked at hatred for what it was. Im grateful to say that I contacted the authorities and let them know of the Jihadi mates I knew online and their plans. So far, every Jihadi that I knew from my days are either dead, spending time in jail due to police catching them, or have been snitched on in great detail by me to the FBI itself through the official FBI electronic tips website. I am grateful that my family relations have improved, and that the relationships I had with the ones i truly loved started to heal. Im grateful that i escaped the grip of this death cult.. and now my mission is to raise awareness about Islam and to reverse its grip on humanity. To use my knowledge about ISIS and Islam to help humanity. To become a beacon of God's light. All of this so that christ may return to us sooner. Thy kingdom come, Thy will will be done. Amen. ✞
When I was 12 years old I saw the Blessed Mother holding Baby Jesus in her arms she was Dressed in gold and silver had a big crown with gems and they were inside in a Catholic Church.
It was literally a strong calling back then when I was an Greek Orthodox . Another Night I saw Saint Bernadette of Lourdes, I was in a procession in Lourdes and then I saw Bernadette in the roads of the village. I followed her to talk to her but she was running and hiding from me. Also her eyes were red from the tears she was crying so bad also I wanted to give her a bottle in a shape of the Sacred Heart which was red glass with golden details of the flames of his Sacred heart . All these I saw them in a dream but they were so so alive they were visions I knew Bernadette from my religion education book but I was little, I didn’t know what is a Marian apparition when I read her story I said I’ll become a Catholic God is calling me.
Now I’m 3 years Catholic and my Orthodox Baptism and Sacraments are valid so I don’t need to do something also recently I had 2 mystical experiences and there other things that has to do with Mystical Experiences that are going to happen but I cannot reveal nothing I must be silent.
I was raised as a Pentecostal; my father and grandfather are both ministers. We were a very devout, conservative family, but we were definitely a bit isolated in that our church was completely independent and autonomous (to include theology). Around the time that the COVID lockdowns first began, I started to research the history of Christianity but found much more than I anticipated. None of what I practiced was evident in history. Around this time, I was also introduced to the Holy Rosary, and it began to pull me out of the depression and addictions I struggled with for a long time. Looking back at it, I do firmly believe that God, in His mercies, sent the Blessed Mother to find me after many years of praying for help.
It took about 5 years for me to fully commit to the Catholic faith and be willing to sacrifice my relationships with my family, but God began to fill in the gaps with good, faithful men who have been invaluable in my life. I was baptized and confirmed Catholic on April 28, 2024, and I regret nothing.
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